How to be an empty nester with grace

Life is really funny- and parenting is even funnier.

No one tells us the road that raising kids will take us on. Maybe if we knew- we would turn back before we begin (joking!!??).

At first, I thought the “baby years” were the challenging ones… but I have since learned that the teen and young adult years are even more harrowing- and also more rewarding.

It is a lot- seeing kids through to adulthood. It is not for the faint of heart. Their work to become individuals apart from their family unit (and all of the trials, dramas, and tribulations that this process brings) typically hits your household just as your own gut-wrenching feelings of “losing your babies” hits you in your heart and soul.

Wow- it is a true “Empty Nester 1-2 PUNCH”!

I am in the middle of these years now. Very often, as a single mom of 3 wonderful kids, I find myself praying at night- just wishing for my kids to get the lessons they need as quickly and as painlessly as is possible. Lots of days- I want relief- for me and for them honestly.

As I pray- I wish for so many things: for them to be able to stop hurting themselves; or to stop putting themselves in dangerous or painful situations, or just to get past a difficult phase that they're in. Some days I wish that they could mature a bit faster. In the next breath, I sometimes I hope that they will be dependent just a moment longer (if I’m embarrassingly honest).

The funny thing is that very often I pray earnestly that they can learn their lessons in the easiest way possible.

But it's not the way life goes. That's not how the Universe works.

The Divine needs them to experience life in their own way- heartache and pain included. Every one of us who loves a child goes through this cycle. Letting go during that growth progression for your kids is one of the biggest challenges that we experience as parents. Just like for adults- life lessons for our children are repeated until real distinctions are processed deep on the inside of each individual. In their own time.

It is so hard to love them and to watch what they're going through. We stand by as they navigate and suffer some hard times. We ask how they are doing, we hold them accountable for their decisions, we respect their choices and perspective as best we can. We learn, day by day, to let them go and live the path that they are meant for.

Being a parent- especially as our nest empties- is tricky. We have worked so hard to give them the tools to leave us- to fly on their own in the world. Once that moment arrives- we need to allow it to happen- in whatever way is natural to them.

We have done well by them- so lets bless the process and celebrate our win- we have given them life, and created space for them to BE in the world.

As many of you know, this last phase is a big transition for a parent too. In addition to celebrating their independence and the intense pride (and sometimes- even relief) of that moment, we also feel the sting of their leaving. That Empty Nest feeling is real.

This moment is nearing with all three of my kids, and knowing this- my intention is to be grateful for each moment that they are with me now. As I anticipate that they are readying themselves to go, with each lesson mastered, I too am readying my heart to let them go with grace and unconditional love. I know that they are with me only for a very short time now- I feel it down to my bones. As difficult as some of these teen/young adult moments can be, they are all completely countered by the sweet knowing that these are wonderful human beings, and I am their very lucky mama-  soaking them in.

Now I wish for one thing more- that they each feel seen by me as they go… and that they each feel my pride in who they are.

When the nest empties for good, my job becomes simpler going forward. I am the sanctuary that loves them- that sees who they are and remains- their champion- always. It is an honor to be so.